Time To Give Up Resentment
Resentment isn't a spectacular emotion, but it is long-lasting and it easily becomes a way of life. When this happens, it blocks all possibility of successful and healthy relationships.
When people feel resentment, they draw back into defensiveness to avoid the possibility of still more hurt. Good performance, good relationships and good become impossible. It's also an entirely negative emotion. Nothing productive ever comes from it, while it easily progreses into more violent states like anger, hatred and cruelty.
The Rule of Resentment
People hurt by others often inflict identical hurt of their own in a vicious circle. The abused child becomes a child abuser. The despised failure seeks weaker people to despise. The bullied employee becomes a bullying manager. Resentment seems to cause us to repeat the behaviors we resented. We become still more sensitive to further sources of resentment. We find still harsher ways to hit back.
Resentment is endemic in many organizations, revealing itself in petty cruelties, pointless obstructions and childish acts of sabotage. When you enquire into the causes of the resentment, you mostly find multiple acts of unkindness and cruelty. Managers, browbeaten by their superiors in the all-out demand for ever higher profits, take to crushing their own subordinates with similarly impossible demands. Afraid of losing their jobs, people plot to put others in the firing line.
The "Golden Rule" exhorts us to treat others as we would like to be treated ourselves. The Rule of Resentment seems to be a direct perversion of it, causing us to treat others as badly we were treated -- or even worse.
The Rule of Reciprocal Behavior
Yet this rule of reciprocal behavior -- of doing to others what was done to us -- also holds good for positives. People treated kindly are more likely to be kind to others. People who are helped and encouraged become helpers in their turn. If bigotry and scorn breed ever greater negativity, tolerance, openness and honesty produce their own harvest of growth and mutual support. In place of the vicious cycle of carping and frustration, it's possible to set up a cycle of ever more positive behaviors.
When people consider ethical working behavior and ask "What's in it for me?" the Rule of Reciprocal Behavior gives a major part of the answer. Unethical behavior is a potent source of resentment and so will nearly always provoke an unethical response.
If you want to be treated ethically by others, you must start by being ethical yourself.
Adrian W. Savage writes for people who want help with the daily dilemmas they face at work. He has contributed more than 25 articles to leading British and American publications and has been featured in The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today and The Chicago Tribune.
You can find his blog on ethics, diversity and living life to the full at http://www.adriansavage.com
MORE RESOURCES:
 |
 |
 |
RELATED ARTICLES
Changing Stumbling Blocks To Stepping Stones?
"The difference between a stumbling block and a stepping stone is how you use them." - UnknownIt is not really what happens to us that matter but how we react to it.
How I Make And Save Thousands Of Dollars Using Only My Subconscious Mind-You Can Do The Same!
Thousands of dollars will be yours, just by using your subconscious mind.You get a very good feeling when you make new money.
Banish Shallow Breathing And Boost Self Esteem!
You know, very often, the manner in which a person holds himself or herself can impact quite noticeably upon their own feelings of self worth and also on how deeply they breathe.I once read that shallow breathers are shallow people and, while I do not necessarily agree with that statement, I would suggest that shallow breathers are often those who might have low self-esteem and could benefit greatly from a change in body posture and breathing technique.
Lunacy at its Finest ... Crazymakers and Intimidators In Your Life!
Did you ever run into that person that just nags and picks and scares you into submission? How about that person that appears to turn your world upside-down? What about that person that literally sucks the energy right out of your soul? Believe it or not, these people do exist and they can affect you in ways you never thought possible.--- Crazymakers ---A Crazymaker is someone who feeds on negative energies and tends to pull everyone around them into major melodramas.
Are You Thinking The Right Thoughts?
"A person is limited only by the thoughts that he chooses." - As A Man ThinkethWith all the negativity in the world and in the air all around us, we really need to focus on positive things.
Does Lack of Confidence Stop You?
Ever had the sense that there is more to life than you're experiencing?Ever felt that there's more out there for you to do, but never been quite sure of what that is? Or maybe you know what you need to do, but have been putting it off because you lacked the confidence to take the chance.One of the biggest things in our way of exploring this path is our necessity to pay our bills.
So What Is A Limiting Belief?
So what is a limiting belief?Don't you love the current expression: 'does what it says on the can'. The can is, of course, purely metaphorical and 'does what it says' suggests clarity and ultimate intelligibility.
Be Thankful for What You Have Got
Did you know that the 911 equivalent in the UK (999) now has call waiting? I hope that you never find out for yourself.Have you ever had to resuscitate someone? I sincerely hope that you haven't.
The Courage To Succeed!
The hardest part of success is the **courage** you need to succeed--when you think: "I'm afraid to talk to people.", or "I'm a loser, nobody in their right mind would follow me.
Are You A Victim Of FABS? Part One
Have you heard of the FABS? The FABS are quadruplets; they are not identical but they are very, very similar! The FABS are: Fear, Anger, Blame and Shame. This quartet love to arrive, uninvited, at people's houses and literally stay forever.
Success or Failure: How to Cope With Failure
There is no such thing as failure - only feedback - we can learn from our failures. Do not let apparent failures beat you up, learn from them.
Why You Must Learn to Forgive for the Sake of Your Own Happiness
Your ability to forgive those who have hurt you in the past is a crucial stepping stone to your spiritual and emotional growth. Throughout the course of our lives, we collect emotional baggage.
The Power of Negative Thinking
For some reason, most people find it easier to think in a negative way than in a positive manner. It seems that some effort is needed to think positive thoughts, whereas negative thinking comes easily and uninvited.
Looking For Answers In All The Wrong Places?
Looking around at our circumstances we may see only mountains of problems, debts piling up, fear, failure, and defeat at every corner. Maybe you've looked around and thought, where's the answer, I need a new life?Heart To Heart!No one may be able to give you an easy answer for difficult circumstances, but there are some simple steps you can take today to neutralize the negative emotions that are making you stew in your own juice.
Fear -- Feel It and Keep Moving
Many of us allow our fear to stop us in our tracks. All it takes is a less than encouraging word, a negative facial expression, or a less than positive opinion, and we give up before we even get started.
It's All About Beliefs
Changing your mindset can have a significant impact on achieving your goals.We've all heard about the power of positive thinking but does it work? How does your thinking influence your actions and get you the results you want?Understanding Your MindsetThe Wall Street Journal recently published an article about the significance of our beliefs and the mental models, or mindsets that shape our behavior.
Eight Simple Anger Management Tips
"The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
Yourself
With the beginning of a new year, are you happy with your life the way it is now? You just set new goals and resolutions for 2003 but are you satisfied with where you are now?This is a serious question that you need to ask yourself. You can't get to where you're going if you don't know where you've been.
The Power of Inner Dialogue
Are you aware of your inner dialogue? If not, you can
be aware of it at this moment. Just get quiet and listen,
there is a voice inside you that is constantly talking
to you all the time.
Don't Worry, Be Happy!
Philippians 4:6-do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.Have you ever been worried about anything? Worried about how you were going to get money to pay the bills? Worried about how you were going to pay for that new water pump that your car needs right now? Worried about whether or not you will ever find the right mate? Worried about whether the food in the refrigerator will last until your next payday? Worried about being terminated in the lay off? Worried about how you were going to make ends meet?Worried just about anything and everything that may happen or could happen in your life?Worried about being out by yourself at night because you are worried you might get raped or mugged? Worried that a bomb threat may be closer to home then you would like? Worried every time your child walks out the door alone? Worried about why everything seems to be going wrong in your life? Worried about whether or not your partner or spouse is cheating on you? Worried about that wrinkle or that new gray hair? Worried about your weight?We spend an awful lot of time "worrying.
|